"CURLING STORY" part 2 of 7
(a liberally creative and adulterous piece that could be true)
…somehow I was raised believing a thing that I realize is now in my way and blocking me from being a better person. I am not going to ever deny how I think and feel, but I will use these important thoughts and feelings to continue seriously looking into every new awareness I might have.
I noticed their looks for each other were suspiciously warm, and I wouldn't say I was feeling uncomfortable, but I was certainly finding this introduction surprising to me. I would even go so far to say that the body language between these two people appeared as if they had been intimate at one time and still had good feelings about it. You know what I mean? You can almost tell when two people have an attraction for each other. Hard to hide that chemistry. But here I was again thinking how could that be? And then I would stop myself and realize I was maybe being racist again or whatever you want to call it. This man had done nothing to me, his race hadn't a thing to do with my life, and here I was judging him that he was so different from me that it made him less of a person. And all he was was different. And if there is one thing I have learned through all my years of living is to be tolerant of people's differences. I have come a long way. For example, I like homosexual people very much but was scared to death the first time I came across a gay person up close and personal. I did not understand gay pride or their intimate relationships. Fact is, I didn't for some time. And I became tolerant long before I accepted gays for who they were. It really wasn't until about three years ago that I finally understood. And understanding is the key here. Being tolerant is one thing, but understanding is truly another.
We had an apartment in the city back then, down by the river, and I parked my car in a city garage a block away from our building. When I occasionally snuck home early from work I would get to my parking spot and quickly steal home. One day after exiting the garage I noticed two women across the street embracing and acting as if they were newlyweds. They seemed so excited and happy being together. Looking back it is possible they were having a tryst, meeting up in a different city than their own, away from the caustic eyes of their families, and relieved to have some freedom. But then, what I saw were two lesbians making out and holding hands, walking the streets of my city as if they were in a normal relationship. And their relationship looked anything but normal to me. Two young women being that happy loving on each other publicly was something I had never seen before. So then I thought about it. I secretly focused all my attention on this couple now, standing across the street from me. They were both on the heavy side, and though the following does not matter to me today, both appeared a bit manly. There was nothing very attractive about these women. The thought did cross my mind that there probably weren’t many predatory males who would be sexually attracted to either one of these women. But then it immediately dawned on me just how lucky these two were to have found each other. Everybody wants to be loved. And to give love. If it wasn't for each other these two women would possibly not have found love in their lives. I thought, what a beautiful thing, these two women are so happy. And that thought extended to all people no matter what they looked like, or felt, or experienced in their lives that made them feel unloved. From that moment on I understood and have accepted gay people in a totally different way than simply being tolerant of our differences. I know there is nothing wrong with being gay. It simply is what it is. I am not sure how this is connected to my feelings for my so-called new Asian acquaintance sitting across from me, but I know there is some connection I haven't quite realized yet. It is not at all becoming to be a racist or even judgmental. And it is not becoming either to look down on people just because they are different from you. But somehow I was raised believing a thing that I realize is now in my way and blocking me from being a better person. I am not going to ever deny how I think and feel, but I will use these important thoughts and feelings to continue seriously looking into every new awareness I might have.
Part 3 of Curling Story can be read here.
Parts 1 through 7 of “Curling Story” can be found and read in chronological order beginning here.
The art of self awareness is a very fine one. A crucible of mental labour.